He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
