Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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