4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Randomize