I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Randomize
