Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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