Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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