I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
So many bounce houses so little time
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Randomize
