he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
