The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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