and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
