I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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