Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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