today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Randomize
