Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
