I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I just want to make out with him forever
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
