Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
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