I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
