omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
