How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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