Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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