Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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