Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
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