I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.