Texts From Last Night

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  (440): View more from Ohio

  So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.

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  (440): So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles. http://tfl.nu/gk4i
  Replies (12) Good night (7431) Bad night (914)
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  (205): View more from Alabama

  Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.

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  (205): Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi. http://tfl.nu/x4zy
  Replies (43) Good night (1730) Bad night (4136)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question

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  (303): No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question http://tfl.nu/r4al
  Replies (7) Good night (3269) Bad night (1042)
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  (773): View more from Illinois

  He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.

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  (773): He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection. http://tfl.nu/4afh
  Replies (18) Good night (4164) Bad night (1060)
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  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level

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  (484): Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level http://tfl.nu/da15
  Replies (2) Good night (1823) Bad night (646)
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  (605): View more from South Dakota

  the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom

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  (605): the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom http://tfl.nu/jd2y
  Replies (6) Good night (721) Bad night (2211)
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  (709): View more from Newfndlnd, Labradr

  By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.

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  (709): By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco. http://tfl.nu/8qs4
  Replies (11) Good night (2323) Bad night (1544)
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.

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  (519): I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI. http://tfl.nu/5z2o
  Replies (6) Good night (1969) Bad night (694)
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  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.

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  (781): They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me. http://tfl.nu/xmpj
  Replies (3) Good night (565) Bad night (1168)
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  (720): View more from Colorado

  i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?

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  (720): i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today? http://tfl.nu/v6y2
  Replies (7) Good night (1663) Bad night (496)
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  (817): View more from Texas

  I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?

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  (817): I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes? http://tfl.nu/cea8
  Replies (15) Good night (2957) Bad night (595)
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  (214): View more from Texas

  They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that

  (972): View more from Texas

  How awkward

  (214): View more from Texas

  Yeah it's pretty fucked up

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  (214): They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that (972): How awkward (214): Yeah it's pretty fucked up http://tfl.nu/97bk
  Replies (6) Good night (649) Bad night (419)
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  (660): View more from Missouri

  hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?

  (816): View more from Missouri

  yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward

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  (660): hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv? (816): yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward http://tfl.nu/dn5c
  Replies (12) Good night (1471) Bad night (442)
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  (320): View more from Minnesota

  I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.

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  (320): I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis. http://tfl.nu/yg5k
  Replies (2) Good night (953) Bad night (231)
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?

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  (847): sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you? http://tfl.nu/2uuz
  Replies (0) Good night (58) Bad night (58)

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