It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
