So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
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im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
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Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.