so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off