Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(860): View more from Connecticut

i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.

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(580): View more from Oklahoma

I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.

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(253): View more from Washington

Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.

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(862): View more from New Jersey

watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin

(1-862): View more from New Jersey

doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you

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These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious
Read it at the TFLN blog
(734): View more from Michigan

Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.

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(989): View more from Michigan

Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?

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(608): View more from Wisconsin

You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.

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(609): View more from New Jersey

I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.

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(775): View more from Nevada

sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works

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