I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
is it fun? or sober?
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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