we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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