I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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