she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
