Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Randomize
