Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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