suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
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