I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Who died my cat blue again?
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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