I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
If I had your ass I would rule the world
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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