Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
