Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
