I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
