Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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