he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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