Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
