After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
false alarm. still invincible.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
