"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
