We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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