there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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