Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Quick, to the slutcave!
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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