I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Randomize
