life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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