we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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