uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
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