I think i peed on brittanys purse
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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