Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
