hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize