Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
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