i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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