I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
