i jhust puked up my retainher.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
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