Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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