I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
he puts the penis in happiness.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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