I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
