My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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