I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
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