By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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